Ugh!

You’d think I’d have learned better and stopped watching these mainstream birthing shows. I do it *very* occasionally, not all the time, and certainly not as much as I did when I was pregnant. They bother me mostly because I had a midwife and a homebirth and know how it could and should be, and I feel sorry for these moms who aren’t informed enough to make that choice. Anyway, on this one, the mom got a c-section in case her baby was too big (there’s already something wrong in that), but when they weighed and measured him, he was 6 ounces and a few inches smaller than my son, who was 8 lbs. 7 oz. and 21 1/2 in. I birthed a baby who was bigger than this one naturally and she gets hers removed from her stomach thinking that he’s too big. What are we coming to where we think that an 8 lb. baby is too big?

The thing that bothers me the most is what the hospital people do while and after the baby comes out. They’ll suction the baby before he’s even out, clamp and cut the cord early, take him away and weigh him, scrub all the stuff off of him with a towel very roughly, and do all kinds of other stuff before even thinking of giving him to the poor mother. I don’t understand why they have to do everything so quickly and impersonally.
They’re bringing new lives into the world, not working on an assembly line in a factory. Why can’t they at least wait a few minutes for the mother and baby to bond before doing a bunch of stuff to him? I don’t get it.

My Kiddo’s Growing Up!

Yeah, I know, of course he is. But I didn’t realize it. I think it’s because I’m around him all of the time. I forgot how he was when he was a smaller newborn, especially how he was when he was just born. Sure, he rolled over when he was 2 weeks old, and that was impressive, but he couldn’t smile, laugh, grab his toes, suck his thumb, or do many of the other things he can do now. When he was even younger than that, he was pretty much an 8 lb. 7 oz. blob. He could look around, and he started kicking a few days after he was born, but he couldn’t do much else. He certainly couldn’t interact with people near as much as he can now. One thing he’s started to be able to do is move around on his tummy. He can’t go *very* far, and we don’t let him go off of the bed or anything, but he can definitely get somewhere. That makes me wonder when he’ll be crawling and even walking. I read on the forum I frequent that a few babies were walking at 9 months. I thought, “Wow…that’s only about 6 months away…” assuming that he did walk then. He’ll be 1 year old in less than 9 months. A toddler. Wow.

Guess who’s a thumbsucker?

Yep. You guessed it. I have photographic evidence.

And here he is caught in the act:

At first, I thought, “Oh crap. He’s going to become a thumb addict.” That was until he utilized this newfound act of coordination to self-soothe. Now I love it. I love how I don’t have to run in and nurse him back to sleep all the time. He just puts the thumb in his mouth, sucks a little bit, and falls right back to sleep. It’s amazing!  And I can get a LOT more housework done now that he can sleep longer, so I’m totally taking advantage of that. I’m also trying to get out at least once a week and trying to meet more moms. I met a very nice mom named Jessi and I’m trying to keep in touch with her, and I really want to go to the meetings the groups I belong to hold. They’re just too far away! Ugh… Oh well. I’ll figure out how to deal with that somehow.

Every mom in the world needs to see this site

I still have stretch marks and stuff from when I was pregnant. I still feel gross and undesirable, but I feel so much better after seeing this site: http://www.theshapeofamother.com/
It shows what pregnant and postpartum bellies and bodies REALLY look like. I’m going to look at that site at least once a day so I can get it into my head that this is normal. Maybe if enough women see this site, the c-section rate will go down because they’ll realize that they’re supposed to look like this, not like some airbrushed picture in a magazine.

Bonding with your newborn

I read somewhere that bonding with your baby immediately after birth isn’t as important as everyone says. Sure, if you have a complication during labor, or if your child is a preemie and needs to be looked after, he’s not going to hate you for the rest of his life because you couldn’t bond with him right away. But it is definitely important, and it’s something that you can get with your child if you have an intervention-free birth.

I bonded with Jamie before he was even born. I could kind of tell what he would be like as a baby from the way he kicked. He loved kicking then, and still does, and he’s a total sweetie, and I knew he would be even then. The most important reason why bonding right when your child is born is vital is so you know who your baby is. So if you are in the hospital and they do take him away for awhile, you know that your baby is the one you’re being handed and not someone else’s. That’s the reason why babies are switched sometimes: because babies are being taken away from mothers before they can even get a mental imprint of what they look and sound like. Right when Jamie was handed to me, I made an imprint in my mind of what he looked like and what his cry sounded like. When they would hand him back to me in the hospital, I was confident that he was my baby and not someone else’s. I read an article where the parents of two children finally realized that their children were switched at the hospital when they were both one year old. They finally discovered this when one mother realized that their child didn’t look like her or the father. If mothers were given time to bond with their babies before being whisked away, this wouldn’t happen.

This bonding would also eliminate most of the feelings of disconnect that new parents feel when taking their newborn home from the hospital. I’ve seen shows like Bringing Home Baby where the parents bring their first baby home and while in the car, they make comments like, “I can’t believe they let us take him home!” Of course they did! He’s your baby! He’s not property of the hospital. Taking your newborn who was originally in your body is not the same as taking home one of their machines. I admit, I kind of felt the same way when Jamie was born. When my midwife handed him to me, I almost wanted to hand him back because she delivered him. Then I remembered that I pushed him out. She just caught him. He would have been born whether she was there or not. To me, marveling at the fact that they would let you take the baby home with you is like saying you’re surprised they let you take a body part home with you. He was originally part of your body. Now he’s out in the world. That is the only thing that has changed.

Another benefit of bonding is that your child will be less clingy if you have a strong relationship with him.  I think some people believe that if you have him with you 24/7 he’ll be clingy, and put their babies in cribs and baby containers, but it’s actually the other way around. If he knows that you love him and will be coming back for him, then he’ll be okay being alone for awhile. If you and stick him in a crib or a bouncy seat and leave him to cry (which is the same as  ignoring him, because babies use crying as communication), he’ll want to stick by you more, because the closer he is in proximity to you, the less likely you are to ignore him.

News flash: Attachment Parenting Saves Money!

I’ve read lots of articles about Attachment Parenting, and they list benefits like “it’s good for the baby”, and the bonding, and all of that, and that stuff is awesome. I feel bonded to Jamie, and I definitely knew, from the moment he was born, that he was my baby. I’ve read statements from other parents (usually ones who have their children in the hospital) and watched mainstream baby shows and they say, or act like, that baby isn’t theirs. They talk about coming home from the hospital and wonder how the nurses let them walk out of there with this baby. AP from the very start definitely helps you realize that this is your baby and not the hospital’s/midwife’s, but that’s another post.

People will talk about these benefits, but they don’t always address how much money you save if you are an attachment parent. I went to an OB a few times and got tests for HIV and all of that. I’m self-pay, so it hit me a lot harder than someone who is on insurance, and when I switched to midwife care, it was a flat rate. I didn’t have to pay for every appointment, and the appointments were an hour long. The OB “visits” were about 5 min. every time. It’s like they were charging me to use their waiting room. I had Jamie at home, with no interventions, and I didn’t have to pay for the epidural or the pitocin, plus the cost of the room and everything. (I did have to go to the hospital for a minor complication, and that was expensive.) He wasn’t circumcised, so we saved there, too. We didn’t buy a stroller or a bunch of swings and bouncy seats. We got a bouncy seat as a gift and hardly ever use it. We co-sleep, and bought a co-sleeper, which is being used as a changing table. We got a used crib as a gift, but I doubt we’re going to use it for anything. I bathe with him, and don’t use any soap, so we didn’t have to run out and buy the bathing chair and the different baby shampoos and soaps. I’m going to be buying a sling, and that’s anywhere from $30 to $60, if you get a simple one. It’s possible to even make one yourself, but I don’t trust putting my little guy in something that I sewed, because I’m terrible at sewing. I breastfeed, so we save a lot more than if we formula fed, and I’m planning to make my own baby food. We’re delaying vaccinations (and might not be doing them at all), and won’t be going to the pediatrician every 2 months. And we’ll be unschooling, so we won’t have to do the whole Back to School shopping trip every year to buy things the teachers say that he’ll need but will probably never use.

Attachment parenting does definitely save a lot of money. It was great for me to know that I didn’t have to get a stroller, or worry about his safety if I got a cheap one. I got MUCH better care with my midwife than with my OB, and saved a lot in the process. Breastfeeding is awesome and empowering, and also free and a lot less complicated (for me) than mixing and pouring formula and washing tons of bottles. And you can feed your baby and be an activist at the same time! How cool is that! I think that if people stressed the money-saving powers of Attachment Parenting, more people would do it, because who doesn’t like to save money?